from nowhere

a lawnmower drones
just over there
as I sit and breathe in the day.

I think of you
and I'm overcome in an instant,
guilty and grieving,
that feeling seemingly from nowhere,
sliding sideways into my heart,
all full of itself,
unchanging.

look where I find myself
hiding away here
after walking out your door
all those years ago -
such finality,
so unplanned.

you could hate me,
dismiss me,
but instead you tell me you love me -
you love me still,
despite my thoughtlessness,
my drunken stupidity.

I sit here while the breeze softly touches me
and I imagine it's your touch,
warm and pure.
I try to send myself back to you
while my secret, constant, paper-thin heart
belongs nowhere
except where you are.





"There is no refuge from memory and remorse
in this world - the spirits of our foolish
deeds haunt us, with or without repentance."

Gilbert Parker